What You'd Call A "Professional Setback."

I failed the Florida Bar Exam.

My job is not in jeopardy; I'll only have to take it again in February. But it still stings. Yesterday was a brutal day.

I've been told from numerous sources that this doesn't reflect on my intelligence or my abilities as a lawyer, and objectively, I know this is true. But there's no escaping the sense of self-disgust from failing to manage what 75% of applicants did on their first attempt.

I have my suspicions about where my weaknesses were--I don't think it was any particular area of law, but rather my own emotions. For all my studying and preparing, I was utterly and completely terrified; I second-guessed, changed answers, blanked out on questions where I later recalled the answer.

I now have six months to get ready for the February Bar, and although I'll be spending a great deal of time studying (one of my colleagues at work assured me that "the worst thing about this is that you'll have to study over Christmas"), my second attempt won't hinge on mastery of law.

It will turn on whether I've mastered myself.